i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my poor anus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
