I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize