Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
