oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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