you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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