i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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