CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
