my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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