I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
