my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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