Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
