I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
