Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
