Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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