awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
