how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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