I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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