My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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