i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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