I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
