Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
