if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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