Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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