K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
