So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
