I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
