I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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