Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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