you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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