I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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