Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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