Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
