Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
