I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i came on her dog
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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