ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize