hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
