im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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