I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
