hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
