Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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