I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
