I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
