why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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