Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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