Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
