So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
