he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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