Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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