They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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