I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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