brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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