This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
