Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
