You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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