shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
