He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
