somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
