just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
