hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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