I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
