oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
