so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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