friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
