just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
