You smell like a Billy Joel song
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
