just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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