Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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