There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize