i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
